#6 - Ms. New Experience
Emily is the breakup coach and best selling author of break your love habits. Emily was once a relationship coach but soon realized that a lot of married people would come to her to heal relationships when it was probably be better for both of their lives if they would just break up.
Let’s talk about bad habits A bad habit is an unconscious behaviour that we do perpetually with not a lot of awareness around it. Emily works with people who are here for a bigger purpose but who find themselves stuck on bad habits, not reaching full potential with their lives. Emily helps these people break up with these bad habits, in turn opening up a new pathway to reach their full potential.
What sort of advice would you give to someone who is distracted in their life? Breaking up is not always the solution, but a good indicator that it is time to break up is when only one partner is doing work on the relationship. When something in your life is holding you back from who you want to become, it is time to breakup. Whether this is someone in your life, a job or geographical location any of these can hold you back.
How do you help people move forward and visualize where they need to be? I love the Simon Sinek why and any sort of purpose related work. Having a dream is extremely helpful. Many people do not know what they want to work towards, they only know they do not want to be where they are today. It is great to know where you want to work towards but if you do not have this picture you can also look at where you are today and start shedding those things that do not bring you fulfillment, one tiny adjustment at a time. Use the thought trigger of “this is not what I want right now” to think of what you do want right now. If something is not making you feel good in the now change it to what would feel better, like joy or happiness. Throughout this tiny step process is where the bigger dreams and clarity will come.
Lets talk about intuition and planning, what are your thoughts on intuition? It is often thought that if we can emulate successful people before us then that is what we should do. This leads us to believe there is one path to take and that is it. There is the illusion one diet works for everyone, one schedule works for everyone, this is just not the case. What we ned to do instead is tune in to our intuition and joy in the moment. Figure out what feels right in the moment and learn from our intuition instead of trying to prescribe items that have worked for others.
I would like to share something with listeners that happened to me over the last 3 months which proves life is not all sunshine and smiles and that we should pay attention to our gut more often. I moved in with a roommate I had never met before and this person was on the exact opposite side of the energy scale of me. I am very high energy and throve off of being around others and busy environments. My roommate was most in tune in low noise and light environments. While staying here for the 3 months I did not want to admit this had an effect on me, my ego got the better of me leaving me thinking that I could make it through any living situation in my life. I did not realized until I left this living arrangement how big of an impact it actually had on who I was. After leaving I was again my noisy and crazy self, this time moving in with a roommate who thrives off of the very same busy environment. Life is not always going to be smooth and easy. During times that you are being tried mentally it really pays off to listen to your gut to disconnect with the logical portion of the brain and reconnect with deep rooted intuition. Learning from these events leads to a high level of self-awareness and in turn ability to operate at peak conditions. This really speaks to an issue I see here as well. People who have a strong ability to manifest reality and create their future using positive thought tend to not truly live in the moment. This leads to leaving touch with who you are as a person and the emotions which are human. With this detachment from our own emotions leads us to the same trip-ups over and over again. Stop with the should, like we should be feeling evolved in that moment. Maybe we don’t feel evolved and maybe we feel like a low level human being. We have to go to these low places, especially for those people who live in the spiritual world, those who think there is more at play than just themselves. The root of this conversation is you do feel this way, so feel that way!
You had me go through an exercise of closing my eyes and painting a picture forward with my feelings. Is this an activity you routinely use? In a general sense, what I do when coaching someone is identify a area they are looking to improve and then find breakthroughs using 2 different perspectives. 1. Very actionable strategies and takeaways 2. The emotional and spiritual aspect of things.
What is your proudest moment coaching so far? A proud moment of mine was stepping out of a career with what I went to college for. From the outside in this role, it looked like I had everything. The career, the title and the money. It was for a short period of time however, my feeling of fulfillment only began to decrease over time. This was when I started experimenting and testing the concepts within Life Through The Eyes Of A Smile. I am now proud to say that I have brought out my first book and will be pitching the concepts to reduce stress and increase happiness in the workforce this fall. The proudest moments coaching have not been about me but about the people I work with. In my 5 month program I took one lady from being stuck in a relationship she did not want to be in and not living the life she wanted to moving to Maui to become a Yoga instructor and living her dream life. Another client who was in a job she did not want to be getting paid very little ended up doubling her income and working much more independtly.
Maui sounds great, so does doubling my income. Where do I start for this sort of change? What sort of advice would you give someone who has a deep desire for change but does just not know where to start? The first step to transform ones life is to get really, really honest about where you are right now. The best way to do this is take full responsibility for our life. This is one of the most powerful strategies I have ever gone through, take full responsibility for all that happens around us. It is the way we react with our environment that shapes what happens to us. Second, seek assistance from someone who has been there and made it their profession to help others move through what they went through.
Do you have any processes or ways to become fully aware of where I am today? Stop making excuses and stop playing the victim role. Anytime you find yourself blaming others for where you are, stop these thoughts. Notice them first and realize that everything starts with you internally, not externally. Think “how have I effected this relationship?” “How have I responded to this person or situation.” It is not easy to be this honest with yourself. It can bring you down and if you need to go down then go down. A lot of people are not willing to go down, they are always chasing the high. We need to go down in order to reach our highs otherwise we plateau riding a wave of mediocrity.
I wrote up what I called a personal contract which is all focused around the lows. Filling out this contract is triggered by lows in life or defining who you do not want to be. It is focused around the event you went through which was not you, the environment which triggered it and they actions you took to get there. One of the strongest drivers for change is being in a low spot in life and defining who you do not want to be. Without these lows it can be very tough to manifest who you want to become, in turn riding what you coined the wave of mediocrity. One of the beautiful things about people who frustrate us gives us insight into what angers us. They are a big catalyst for self-awareness and teach us about who we are. When something aggravates us or triggers us is because this triggers something in the part of us I call the shadow self or the area we cannot readily identify. Reflecting on what it is in this person that makes us angry is a strong gateway to self-awareness. When we can see the shadow parts of ourselves we can create acceptance around ourselves as a whole, both the bright and shiny parts of ourselves and also the dark sides. Emotion is meant to move us forward, by embracing the negative emotions we will find the way to move forward, using the emotion for a catalyst to push us forward and back into joy.
A powerful way I use to move forward from negative people and interactions is to use frustration driven from someone else as a trigger to focus your mental energy on someone you should have celebrated. For instance, if Bill is pissing you off in your day use the festering thought of Bill to instead take an inventory of your day and the great people who you interacted with. Say, Shirly who made your day by asking about your family and remembering the vacation you took with family on the weekend.
One thing I have enjoyed with your recent journey and move to Austin is your ability to go out and create new experiences in your life. The heart of what you are talking about here is new experiences. The size of life for me is new experiences of all kinds. Whether it is meeting new people, having new foods or seeing new areas of your city. The way to jump into new experience in your life is to think to yourself “What have I been meaning to try lately?” Maybe it is see a new movie, have a picnic or meet new people at an event. Go out and try it. Maybe all you do is read non-fiction, try a fiction book. New experience drives imagination and if we simply do the same things over and over then we will not grow and be creative at the maximum level we can.
What is one new thing you have been doing? Facebook live has been a complete new and exciting experience.
What is a piece of advice you can give to someone having a bad day? Pray. You do not need to be religious to pray. That being said, you can pray to your higher self, the cosmos in the universe or whoever you want. The difference between meditation and prayer is meditation we are in a receiving mode. What we are looking to do is silence our mind to receive quietness of thought for benefit. When we pray we are in giving mode. We are asking for guidance and for help with any question you have. For those who are put off by prayer use this dialogue method in writing in script form:
This practice is unbelievable and what can come out of it is absolutely incredible.
What does your weapon of mass happiness shoot? Unconditional love to all beings. Compassion and love for humans, dogs and plants. When we feel loved by others it becomes much easier to feel loved for ourselves.